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He says, "I love you", but I do not believe him.

Updated: Feb 9, 2022

He is my soulmate, I feel it, I know it. He makes sure that I feel his LOVE.

HE is my big love, but somehow I´ve started to be lost. I forgot about myself. I am lost in my mind, actually I am enjoying it. I am looking for something outside.. all the time.. and I hope that I will not be alone with myself. I am not aware of my own value, so I am seeking validation from others. I hope that they like me, that HE loves me.

It is a never-ending circle, I cannot escape. For a moment, his words calm me down, I feel better. Finally, I am loved by someone. After a few hours, days. I am feeling the same, empty space. I am not sure If I even love myself. So how can somebody else truly love me? How can I believe him?

I am diving to my inner world, I found all the scars, painful words and memories.. I remember everything, it really hurts, finally I accept it and it all goes away. I am not running away. Phoenix tears have healing powers, they said in Harry Potter. It is true. Tears will heal your scars. One day. Trust me. Yes, I am talking to you.

I am falling.. all traumas are going through me, they are slowly leaving. Suddenly I am starting to like all parts of my body and I hug my soul. I am coming HOME. I am not sure if It was a good decision. But suddenly I´ve realized that it does not hurt anymore, I am not full of my insecurities, I am not looking for confirmation of HIS love, I am not waking up during the night with fear, that I will stand there ALONE. My soul is healed. I feel peace and I came back HOME.



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